Reflection and Pregnancy

To be honest, I've been thinking about just deleting this blog for a while. No one to my knowledge even reads it and the people who do have told me it's boring (which makes me feel real special by the way). This week, I'm at a three-day "retreat" at work where we are given a lot of time to stop and reflect. Now, I am not usually one to take time out of my day to just sit and reflect or meditate about anything. It has kind of made me think about how I need to do that for myself, especially with a lot of life changes coming up. The only way I have ever "reflected" on anything in the past is by writing things down. I actually love to write about memorable and not-so-memorable moments so I can remember details about them that I would otherwise forget. Which is where this blog comes into play. When I  go back and read past blog posts, it makes me happy. Sure, my posts might not be the most intellectual or thoughtful things ever, but I am happy that I took time to write about things I did or places I went. Those are memories I do not want to forget. So, I've decided to keep the blog. Not for others to read, but for myself, so I can momentarily re-live memories that are special to me. 

One thing I want to remember is this pregnancy. Compared to other women, I have had an incredibly easy pregnancy. Yet, to me, the first trimester seemed awful because I was BEYOND tired and could not brush my teeth without gagging on my toothbrush. I hear the horror stories about people experiencing morning sickness 24/7, and I am incredibly thankful that I did not feel that way. Sure, I threw up a few times, but it was always in the morning, and once I ate something, I felt fine. Let me tell you, I ate a lot of Special K chocolatey pretzel granola bars! What's funny is that sometimes I would be dry heaving and would force one into my mouth, and the minute it even touched my tongue, I was completely back to normal. Pregnancy is weird. Near the end of the first trimester,  I started feeling less tired and more myself again, which was a relief! I give props to women who are sick their entire pregnancies, because I am a huge wuss and seriously don't know how I would handle that. I also don't understand how women who already have kids can be a mom while pregnant with another baby. I was seriously so tired that some days I would come home from work and fall asleep until the next morning. I can't imagine feeling that way and having little one(s) to care for at the same time! So, for real, props to them as well!

Anyways, more about our baby...

I don't even remember what prompted me to take a pregnancy test... I think I was just feeling extra tired and wondering why. I took the first one (the one with the lines) and it was SURPRISINGLY positive and I immediately started shaking out of excitement and somewhat out of fear, haha! I ran and told Ricky (I won't tell what he was doing at the time... it's too hilarious) and he was really excited and noticeably scared as well! The next day, I took the digital test just to be sure and it was clearly a "YES"!

*Sorry if you're reading this and think it's gross to put pictures of these pregnancy tests on here. Remember, this post is for my memories, not yours :)

The next day was my dad's birthday and we were over at my parent's house celebrating. We had decided to keep our news a secret, but (in the usual Rick and Amanda fashion), could not keep this from them! We wrote a little note to them addressed from Chevy and gave it to them. I think they were pretty happy and surprised at the same time.

We also were not going to tell our friends until 12 weeks, but I probably told Chelsi and Audrey within 12 hours of finding out... oops! Rick wasn't too happy about that, but he got over it, and we told some other close friends right away too.

We did, however, keep it a secret for a whole week (go us!) from Ricky's parents and siblings. We waited until Christmas morning to tell them the news. I bought a little Michigan onesie and wrapped it up for them to open. They were really excited for us, and one of his sisters even started crying, which made us feel good! Honestly, we weren't sure how anyone in either of our families was going to react, but it was a big relief that they were all very happy for us.

In my last post, I had mentioned that we had an ultrasound at six weeks because I was experiencing a little bit of cramping and bleeding. Looking back on it, it probably was not necessary at all. I called the doctor's office that day really panicked because I had a slightly painful cramp the night before that wouldn't go away. I think they sensed the anxiety in my voice over the phone and got me in just to calm me down. Really, I think I was just overly concerned about having a miscarriage, and any tiny little indication that something could be wrong completely freaked me out. Still, it was good to hear that everything looked perfect. It was especially reassuring to see the blob that is our baby and the blip that is the heartbeat on the screen. We both got a little emotional after seeing that. It made the whole thing feel real- we are really having a baby!

 

Since then, I have had one appointment with a nurse, where she just explained how the next 9 months were going to go (and gave us far too much information all at once) and two appointments with my OB,  where we've heard our baby's heartbeat! At the last appointment (last Friday), we even heard a kick over the doppler. The heartbeat has been consistently fast (150-160 beats per minute), so if I believed the wise tails, I would say our baby is a girl... but I'm not convinced. Honestly, how am I supposed to know?! I've never been through this before! We are going to find out the gender, if baby cooperates, at our next (and last) ultrasound on April 11! I won't lie- I'm hoping for a girl, but, of course, I won't be too upset if it is a boy. However, I think Rick is hoping for a boy... probably only because teenage girls scare him, haha!

This week, I'm 17 weeks pregnant and everyone keeps commenting on how I'm barely showing at all. I really haven't gained too much weight, only about 5 pounds so far, but my doctor says I'm on track and will pop around 20 weeks. I'm actually kind of looking forward to having a baby belly- I think they're cute! The past two days, I've started feeling the fluttering that apparently is the baby moving!! Today I felt it two or three times! So cool!

Here I am last week. To me, I look a lot bigger than pre-pregnancy... 

I'm going to take a picture like this every couple of weeks to track mine and baby's growth. 

Although I may be a bit scared to be a mom, for the obvious reasons (labor! pain! screaming baby! poopy diapers!), I really think it is what I was meant to do. I've never found a true "calling" with any school/career options, but having a child just feels right to me. I could care less about working hard and making money- it feels like I was put on the earth to do this. I honestly don't know how much "maternal instinct" I possess, but I am so excited to be a mom. God has blessed me with this child and this child will be my gift to the world. It's crazy how you can love someone so much before you've even met them, and I'm sure that love will grow ten fold once I see our baby for the first time!